Interview with the Dark Lord
by pseudocat
Summary: What would Voldemort have to say if he were ever interviewed?


**Consider this a bribe...or a peace offering for those who are ready to kill me over the eighth chapter...i swear it's coming...and for those who don't know what I'm talking about, (and those who do) this was a creative writing assignment I had, I just thought I'd put it up... **

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**Interview with the Dark Lord**

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After 14 long years of plotting and scheming and foiled attempts, **Lord Voldemort** has finally returned to the world of corporal form. Here, in the first (and only) exclusive interview after his return, the 'Chief Death Eater' breaks his silence on his future plans, the threat known as Harry Potter and what exactly happened that fateful night, 14 years ago.

**Deathwatch: After fourteen years of life in a worse-than-spirit form, how does it feel to finally have a solid body?**

Lord Voldemort: It feels wonderful! It has been so long since I summoned my Death Eaters to me that I quite missed watching their faces as they squirmed in pain when I pressed their Marks. Luckily Wormtail was on hand when I returned. It gave some satisfaction to watch him whine about his hand. As for the Potter boy…his screams were pure ecstacy.

It took me a long time to get where I am today. Three years ago, I almost succeeded with the Philosopher's Stone, but that fool Dumbledore and his stooge, Potter destroyed the stone before I could get to it. Then the next year I regained a form of sorts in the Chamber of Secrets but the little pest stabbed my diary and well…that was the end of it. This year, however, I made extremely meticulous plans. I planted a servant at Hogwarts, kidnapped the DADA teacher, and fixed the Triwizard Tournament. It payed off. I intend to make full use of this opportunity.

**DW: The question on everybody's mind now, is: what happened that night? How was the greatest Dark Wizard of all time defeated?**

LV: The greatest? Really? (_Reporter is too scared of being Avada-ed to report slight blush_) I don't know what to say…such an honour…(_seems to remember where he is_)

Ahem..yes…that night…

Well, frankly I thought it was going to be easy. Those puny blood traitors had escaped me thrice before but they weren't expecting me this time. I was after the boy and I thought they'd give him up easily. After all, I didn't have to kill them. Completely different matter that I would have. I do so hate leaving things incomplete. I guess I overestimated them. The fools decided to sacrifice themselves for that scrawny little baby.

I killed them and aimed at the boy. I said the spell, but something must have gone wrong because the next thing I know, I was separated from my body. (_Shudders_) It was horrible. I still have nightmares. (_Reporter did NOT notice him wiping away a tear secretly_) I was still alive though. Just…without a body. And I was NOT defeated. Don't you agree? (_twirls his wand_)

**DW: O-Of course not..er..he he..moving on…there are rumours that Cornelius Fudge, the Minister for Magic, doesn't believe that you are back. Your comment?**

LV: That imbecile is the best thing to have happened right now, actually. His ignorance makes it easier for me to carry out my plans. I intend to stay hidden for a while longer and as long as he continues to deny my return, there will not be much trouble. Of course Dumbledore seems to be building up some kind of resistance but his weak efforts won't make a difference. I have received reports that Fudge is going out of his way to quash Dumbledore's little rebellion. (_giggles evilly and/or insanely_) It will be amusing to see his reaction when he finds out that the old man was right. I never quite understood how he became Minister. He can't see anything past that horrible lime green bowler of his. I suppose his pureblood mania gets points though.

**DW: Why is Harry Potter such a threat to you?**

LV: A threat? (_bursts into uncontrolled and very disturbing laughter_) Maybe he was…but that time is long gone now…(_evil smile_)

**DW: But there must be some reason you want him dead…**

LV: Yes…I do want him dead…it all has to do with what my loyal servant Snape heard outside the Hog's Head one night…a prophecy which said that he would defeat me…so of course, I had to kill him first…apart from which his constant interference is quite annoying…I haven't been able to plot in peace since he entered Hogwarts. That sort of thing causes a terrible nuisance, you know. It's too bad really. If he hadn't been the cause of my destruction I feel we could have been great friends…after all we have so much in common…did you know he can speak Parseltongue too?

**DW: Albus Dumbledore believes that love was what vanquished you that night.**

LV: (_laughs derisively_) Albus Dumbledore is a potty old coot! He believes that _love_ makes the world go around. _Love_ is the most powerful protection in his book. Well,

that's just a load of bt. If love is so powerful, then why didn't it save his mother? And how does it enable me to touch him? Whatever charm Potter's mother put on him is in my blood now and if it was that simple to obtain it, it wasn't a very good one to begin with, was it? Power is the most important thing in the world. Power is the only thing in the world. And now, I have power over Potter.

**DW: Because you have his blood.**

LV: That's right.

**DW: Fair enough. So, why are you afraid of Dumbledore?**

LV: (_There is a sudden loud explosion as bright beams of light begin flashing across the room. The reporter ducks for cover under the chair, not realising that it makes no difference if You-Know-Who is mad, he will die anyway. As the beams stop, and the smoke and dust from collapsed rubble clears, Voldemort is seen serenely sitting on his chair, humming._) Can you please repeat the question? I didn't hear you.

**DW: (**_**slowly gets up, looking as though all his blood has been drained out of him**_**)**

**Never mind. It wasn't important. **

LV: Can we move on then? Only there's some havoc I have to cause and I'm terribly behind schedule…

**DW: Right. So, a few readers want to know…who is your most loyal lieutenant? The one you trust the most?**

LV: I trust no one. Trust leads to betrayal, especially with my followers who are nice and all…but you wouldn't trust them as far as you could throw them. They're all loyal to me however. Each and every one. That's only because they're scared. It would be so easy for me to kill them. Fear binds them to me and it is that fear that will bring the rest of the world to it's knees before me very soon! (_laughs evil movie laugh_)

**DW: One final question. What are you going to do now that you've got your body back?**

LV: Oh, I have lots of plans. First I'm going to have some chocolate cake coz that's my absolute favourite and I haven't been able to have any since Quirrel decided it was bad for his waistline. (_rolls his eyes_) Then I'm going to have a bath because being the Greatest Dark Wizard of all time can get a little grimy. Then I'm going to kill Dumbledore, kill Potter, kill all the Muggles, have the blood traitors assassinated for some variety and torure and kill all the Muggleborns. Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange have some names for me and I think it's going to be an interesting year. As soon as the world is cleansed, I'll rule it. OVERLORD VOLDEMORT!! Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

**DW: (**_**Shifts uneasily, desparate to leave asap**_**) Yes. Yes, of course, very catchy. Well, thank you very much for having me and answering my questions. **

LV: It was my pleasure. Are you sure you won't stay a little longer? Wormtail is bringing some fresh Muggles to Crucio…very well. Come again soon!

**(**_**At this point in the interview, all that can be seen of the reporter are the dust clouds in his wake.**_**)**

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**So? Am I forgiven? Or let off temporarily? What did you think?**


End file.
